Volunteer Park: “Oh, it’s you.”
Path at Volunteer Park
Selena Amor for The Evergreen Echo
Colin always does this. He always arrives too early and even though he's on the outskirts of Volunteer Park, staring up at the monolith that is the old water tower, he's got over a half an hour until he's meant to meet Julian.
His nice button up drapes over his right arm. It would be soaked if he wore it on the walk over. He takes a breath and keeps walking the path around the water tower and into the park proper to give himself a distraction.
A human zooms by him on foot. Colin nearly leaps out of his skin with shock. A thought crosses his mind,
Was that…?
The woman slows down. She pulls her ear buds from her ears and she turns. Colin walks toward her as she walks off the path and into the grass. Her sudden smile closes up his throat and makes his face flush bright red. It's Rei, the woman he was in love with. Rei, the woman who told him she didn't feel the same.
"I thought that was you," says Rei.
It's been 15 years since they've spoken. He never thought he'd see her again.
"Hi, Rei," Colin manages to croak through the lump in his throat. He smiles back at her. It's a genuine smile and it's a genuine reservoir of tears that also threatens to burst forth as his emotions swirl in his gut.
"It's been 15 years and it's just, 'hi Rei'?"
"I'm in shock. I didn't know you still lived around here."
Rei lets out a little huff of a laugh.
"I actually moved to Beacon Hill to be closer to my folks, but…" Rei shakes her head and smiles at him again.
"But what?"
"It's stupid."
"What?" asks Colin. He's still in shock. He feels like a parrot imitating human conversation.
"I had a dream about you," says Rei. She chuckles and Colin smiles. "Not like that dream you had about me, though."
Colin covers his mouth with his hand. His eyes are wide. He can't believe she remembers that. Rei laughs at his reaction.
"It was confusing," Colin says, putting his hand to his forehead. "You were my best friend."
Rei's laughter tapers off. Colin didn't mean to say that. He never told her she was his best friend. He looks at her and sees her face briefly betray the jovial façade she's been maintaining this whole time. She pretends the admission didn't hit her in any way.
"It's silly," says Rei. She attempts to move beyond Colin's admission, to take control of the situation. "In the dream I was on a run and you were by the reservoir with a stop watch, timing me as if I was still competing. It felt… so real, so strong. And then here you are like I manifested you."
She puts her hands on her hips and grins. She doesn't know how much this statement stings. She doesn't know how much his one-sided text thread was breaking his heart. She doesn't know the pain she caused when she disappeared.
Colin scoffs. Frustration takes over his emotional state. He gets back on the path and toward the reservoir. Rei jogs to catch up to him. She's obviously confused, but Colin doesn't want to say anything before he can think of what to say. She grabs his shoulder and he turns.
"What's going on?"
She's genuinely concerned. The lump in Colin's throat feels like a golf ball and he hopes she won't get to see him cry, like he can keep controlling it. He looks at her and he knows he has to just say what comes to his mind. He's too angry not to.
"I can't stand to think that my life exists only when you think of me," says Colin. He meets her eyes, but he wants to look anywhere else. "Like I'm some character in a video game, waiting for you to see me, so that I can finally give you a crucial piece of information on your hero's journey."
Rei scoffs. She removes her hand from his shoulder. Her arms cross over her chest.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying you ghosted me for 15 years," he says while trying to maintain control of his voice and his emotions. "You made me question everything I ever said and everything I ever did. I tortured myself reliving every moment of our friendship and rethinking everything about how I thought you felt about me. Your disappearing act made me into a wreck for a long time."
A beat of silence hangs between the two of them. Colin can see the hurt and confusion on Rei's face. It makes him wish he didn't say anything at all. It makes him wish she hadn't turned around.
"You told me you loved me, you asshole," says Rei. It's her turn to walk away.
Selena Amor for The Evergreen Echo
She walks toward an open bench by the dirt track. She sits down heavily. Colin follows, but he doesn't know what he can say if anything at this moment. He comes up to the bench as Rei wipes a tear from her cheek. He sits down next to her as they look out at the passive water in the reservoir. There are a few more moments of silence between them.
"I was with Beth," says Rei, breaking the tension. "I loved Beth and all of a sudden my best friend says he's in love with me, too."
She said ‘best friend’ and it hit Colin harder than he ever thought possible. His own tears escape his eyes. He wipes them away quickly before looking at Rei, who turns toward him.
"It confused me," says Rei. She looks at him and he keeps his eyes on her even as he wants to look away, even as the tears drop steadily. "I didn't know what to say after that. It hurt every day not seeing you when you transferred stores and at the same time it was a relief. I could move past you and focus on Beth and we'd stop getting into fights because all I ever talked about was you. I took the easiest path. I let you go."
Colin is fully crying now. He covers his face with his hands as he turns away from her. Rei scoots closer to him and puts her arm around his shoulders. Without either of them initiating, Colin feels his head drift onto Rei's shoulder and her arm pulls him in tight. He wraps his arms around her middle. Her cheek rests on the top of his head.
The two of them sit there like that. The people in the park ignore them or sneak glances just to try and figure out what's going on. Colin's sobs stop. He just lets this moment of surreality sink in. His breath evens out and he feels it sync up with Rei's.
"What are you even doing here, tonight anyway?" asks Rei.
"I'm meeting someone for a first date."
Rei lifts her head off Colin's and they slowly untangle as if neither of them wants their contact to end. They look at each other and Rei smiles at him. She clasps her hands on the sides of his head. Her face falls, but not out of sadness, out of a determination.
"This won't do," she says.
Rei reaches behind her back. There's a small pouch attached to her waist and she pulls out a couple of tissues. She hands them to Colin who blows his nose with one and wipes his eyes with the other. Rei motions for him to stand up. He does. She turns him around and takes the button up hanging off his arm. She holds it out and he slides his arms into the holes. She turns him around and buttons up the shirt, smoothing it after.
They look at each other for a moment. Colin puts his hands in his pockets and looks down.
"Do you think it's too late to start over?" asks Rei.
Colin takes in a deep breath and looks back up at her. He smiles a little.
"Couldn't hurt to try."
Without a word, she puts in her earbuds and shoos him off. She jogs in the other direction and as she rounds a corner, Colin turns. He walks up the slope and then up the steps toward the Seattle Asian Art Museum at the far end of the park.
When he gets to the top of the steps, Colin spies Julian. Julian sees Colin approach and his face cracks into a smile.
"I knew you'd be early, so I thought I would be early, too," says Julian, placing his arm around Colin's waist.
Julian squeezes Colin a little with his hand as they walk out of the park and toward the restaurant Julian picked out. He talks excitedly about it and Colin gets lost in Julian's passion. Colin feels a notification buzz in his pocket and a small smile creeps across his face.
Selena Amor for The Evergreen Echo
