Soft Life, Hard Lessons: Apps, Groveling Exes, and The Hug Barometer

The Evergreen Echo

If you had told me at the beginning of this year that I’d be simultaneously navigating ten Jerry Springer Show seasons worth of dating apps, receiving apology tours from exes a decade late, and coaching my own dear mother through her dating life, I’d be your indentured servant for a month! But here we are, and the streets are making my edges thin.

Last month, I had my cinematic "collard greens kiss" moment in Atlanta. It was sweet, high-vibe, and romantic—until the reality of misalignment set in. The communication faded out over the last couple of weeks, and you know what? I’m actually completely okay with it. At this stage in my life, I’m not eating tainted lettuce for explosive diarrhea. If the alignment isn't there, it isn't there, and I have the power and peace to verbalize that without guilt.

App Antics, Financial Arrogance, and the ‘Separated’ Trap

So, I hopped on the BLK app, deciding to test the waters. Honey, the sheer lack of home training in these streets is gon’ keep some of these men in Pull-ups until they are in hospice care.

I went out on a date with this local guy who was well-off financially—and clearly, his bank account gave him a false sense of entitlement. From the jump, he was giving full animalistic vibes. Out of nowhere, this man literally bit me on my arm! Yes, I know I smell good, my skin is soft, and my lips are kissable (so I have been told), but sir, what?! Then he pulled my hair and asked, "Oh, are you tender-headed?"

There was a little physical chemistry there, sure, but he kept trying to force a kiss, putting his hand on my thigh, and acting entirely too comfortable for a first encounter. I had to look at him like, ‘Dude, calm down.’

As the date went on, the real story came out. He was still actively married, just out here floating in the ‘separated’ trap. I called him out directly: Where is the paperwork? Filing the paperwork shows intention. Being married and perusing dating apps while biting women like a T-Rex on dates is not it!

He didn't get the hint, though. Later on, he sent me a text talking about how he was lying in bed with a pillow between his legs. I had to laugh and let him know the cold, hard truth: "Well, you’re gonna have to hold onto that pillow, honey, because I can’t help you!"

Then there are the men who attempt to turn lighthearted banter into fast-tracked filth. I sent another guy a harmless Tom & Jerry GIF, and he somehow managed to twist it into something grossly inappropriate. Again, I had to check him on his behavior. A friend gave me a piece of wisdom recently: Give someone the space and time to repair their behavior on their own. So, I’m letting that breathe. I’m giving it space, but I’m certainly not holding my breath.

And don't get me started on the Facebook spectators—the men who add me, send a generic compliment about my beauty or sexiness in my DMs, and expect that low-vibrational effort to earn them some face time with me. That’s not where I’m at.

The Apology Tour of the Groveling Exes

Then came the blast from the past. An ex from ten whole years ago popped back into my life, claiming he was a "reformed man walking closer with the Lord." But his actions didn't match his spiritual vocabulary. He tried to arrange a meetup by asking to come straight over to my house as his “future boo.”

I’ve made it abundantly clear: I do not entertain men at my home. That is a sacred space. When I held that boundary, he tried again with the same lazy, zero-effort energy. I had to look at the situation and assess again. If a man wants access to you, he can plan a proper date. Period. He ended up offering an apology for the harm he caused a decade ago—followed by another ex calling out of nowhere to apologize too. It seems it's officially the season of groveling exes!

The Evergreen Echo

The Hug Barometer

Through all of this, I’ve adopted a brand new posture. I am dating for fun, not putting unnecessary risk or pressure on myself to find "The One."

I’m asserting what alignment looks like verbally early on. I have a new rule: if a man isn't moving toward me, he isn't moving toward me. But even more than that, if he is moving toward me, there needs to be a natural inclination on my end to move toward him, too, romantic pull or not.

I did have several passionate, incredible kisses this past month with a man I really like. But because we both came out of long-term marriages, I’m not over-investing or creating accounts on TheKnot.com. I’m letting things be what they are.

And when it comes to vetting new energy? I’ve officially instituted The Hug Barometer.

A hug is the greatest gauge next to a kiss to determine if I even want a man in my physical troposphere. A good hug tells you everything about a man's presence, warmth, and grounding. And let’s keep it a buck—If the hug is wack, I’m staying wayyy back!

Asking the Lord for a Standard

As I sit here coaching my dearest mother through her own dating encounters, I catch myself praying: "Lord, You see Your daughter out here helping her mother—don't forget about me!"

Dating right now requires X-ray vision, FBI-level background checks, and an airtight boundary system. But as long as my hands stay steady, my standards stay high, and my humor stays intact, the view from this soft life is still sweet.