Soft Life, Hard Lessons: The Luxury of Letting Go
“Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. You look ten years younger.”
That’s what a man told me recently, and I had to smile. He didn’t know he was looking at a woman who had survived a tsunami. He didn’t know that just as I had finished a hard, honest conversation with myself about the state of my marriage, a hidden betrayal hit me with a force that nearly annihilated me. I had no time to brace for the impact; I just had to decide if I was going to swim or float away aimlessly.
Perennial Conventions: Tending
I no longer have social media (future article on this to come), but I do watch a lot (too much) of YouTube. And for me, January 1—and earlier, in truth—began the seemingly endless bombardment of New Year-inspired content. Planner updates, journaling tips, weight loss and dieting advice. Mere weeks after winter has begun we’re inundated with peppy people telling us how to get our lives together. I’ve never really bought into this, though I know how easy it is to be swept up into the fervor of goal-setting energy.
Soft Life, Hard Lessons: Swipe Left on My Spirit
Let me bring you into my soft-life laboratory, because post-divorce dating has a sense of humor I did not sign up for. I told myself I’d try something new. Stretch my faith. Dip a toe into modern romance.
So I downloaded Bumble and Hinge.
Yes. Me.
A grown woman with three children, all my edges, rooted faith, and a therapist who said, “We ain’t taking this ish into 2026.”
Soft Life, Hard Lessons: The Art of Healing Out Loud
There are seasons when life gets so loud, whispering stops working. You stop tiptoeing and walking on eggshells around your own truth. You stop shrinking to make other people comfortable. You stop pretending you're “fine” when your soul is over there banging pots, trying to be heard and have that hurt validated. At some point, you match the volume. That’s where I’ve been — healing OUT LOUD. Not in a reckless way, not in a messy way, but in a “my heart said testify” kind of way.
Dark and Tender: Healing Black Men with The CUT Project
Aaron Johnson (he/him) is on a mission, the type of undertaking that comes to you through lived experiences. Ben Wilson (he/him), the producer of and participant in the short film Dark and Tender, invited me to attend the film’s screening at the Seattle Black Film Festival. The film, which aims to be a larger documentary, tells the story of the CUT Project.
Kink Subculture Can Provide Liberation, Decolonization Through Consent + Expression
It’s very different from my experiences growing up moderately religious in the South. It took away the shame and self-blame. In heteronormative, vanilla sex, there are too many unspoken expectations, too many assumptions about what’s going to happen, that some people just begin following the script without any sort of communication. This, I believe, leads to situations like what 17-year-old me experienced, where I left thinking I had led someone on and realized years later that I was actually assaulted. I don’t know if he knows this though.
